Stitchboard Admin message #107
Re: Rainbow baby blanket.
August 9, 2015 at 7:05:13 AM  (in response to Aabye message #1)
 
Line,

So glad to hear you didn't go there for a visit.  Your trip to the zoo sounds a lot healthier and was a smart choice. 

You have no obligation to accept that kind of behavior.  Showing up would have given your unspoken support for her.

You're right that whatever it is that's causing her to do what she's doing, even hormones, is no excuse.  At 5 years old, she would not have a choice.  At close to 50, she sure does, and her choice is to make everyone miserable until the next time she decides to take off.  Approving her behavior, as your stepfather is doing, is telling her she's doing the right thing, so when she does take off again (and you know she will), she'll be sure to cause maximum hurt...but in her mind she has "permission" to do it.

Go ahead and categorize her...she's being immature and irresponsible.  At least you see through her and are protecting yourself and your family...that's the best thing to do!

Your stepfather's acceptance is awful...and worse, trying to get you to accept her, too.    But at least he's an adult, so if he makes a mistake, then he should live with the consequences, not eventually push the same ones on you.  Good thing you found out in advance, huh?  Can you imagine being surprised with something so terrible, and in front of the boys, as well?  That was so sneaky and underhanded, with your stepfather being as immature and irresponsible as your mother. 

What she did isn't understandable in the slightest.  She walked away before, and it doesn't sound like she's doing anything radically different to prove she won't walk away again...your stepfather will be in a world of hurt if he doesn't wake up to her manipulation.  But you at least are doing the emotionally healthy thing and staying out of everything, protecting yourself and your family. 

Sadly, some people love to head for self-destruction...and to take others down that path with them.    Best thing to do is not indulge them, IMO.  And family is the worst for that, because they know your vulnerabilities and know how to play on your emotions.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing, because it's not easy! 

---

Stitchboard Admin message #109
Re: Rainbow baby blanket.
August 10, 2015 at 2:57:29 AM  (in response to Aabye message #3)
 
Line,

I'm glad you won't let her ruin your life again.  She really has no place in it.  You're being the responsible one, by watching out for yourself and your family!  That's the important thing.  She's not important.

I agree, it's your stepfather's problem.  I'm sorry he burdened you so much, particularly since none of it apparently sank in, so it was all for nothing, anyway.    I hope when she leaves him again (because it seems to be a foregone conclusion that it is going to happen again, don't you think?), he won't bother you with it, because if he didn't listen the first time, he won't listen when it happens again.  Some people simply never learn.  Hope springs eternal, and there's no telling them, reminding them or anything, that people are never going to change.  If he at all suspects she hasn't entirely changed, he's likely hopeful enough that he'll be able to make her change, and of course that never works.

He had no right at all to have burdened you, and I hope he won't try it again, but my guess is he will.  He should talk to a professional.  And even then he may never see the truth about her.

Ugh.    I'm sorry he's not communicating with you simply because you won't let your mother back into your life.  That's not right, either, nor is it very adult behavior.  No matter what, he should respect your decision, whether or not he agrees with it.  You have the right to disagree and to choose not to let such a toxic person be around you or your family.  And the way he tried to get her back into your life, by sneakily surprising you, was wrong, too.  He should have asked for your permission, and he should have been prepared to have been told "no."

Isn't it amazing how insensitive someone can be when they believe they're getting what they want?  He's in for a bad time, and I hope you can convince him to get professional help when he comes crying to you...you don't need more stress!

Sending good thoughts your way that he sees the light quickly and stops putting it all on you when things don't work out, because it's not your problem.

---

Stitchboard Admin message #111
Re: Rainbow baby blanket.
August 13, 2015 at 5:22:59 AM  (in response to Aabye message #5)
 
Line,

Anytime, hon. 

Argh!  12 flights of stairs...are they nuts?!  Do they expect everyone to be perfectly able-bodied?  Because that makes no sense. 

Are you going to have to do that the entire semester?  Hoping not!

Half of that would be a long climb...so that's absolutely ridiculous.    They need an elevator!

---

Stitchboard Admin message #113
Re: Rainbow baby blanket.
August 14, 2015 at 6:22:32 AM  (in response to Aabye message #7)
 
Line,

Ugh, a couple of times a week?! 

Do you think they'd let you use the elevator if you could bring them a doctor's note?  It sounds entirely unreasonable to force you to climb stairs with a medical condition...just because you don't look like you have a problem doesn't mean you don't have one! Otherwise, it's stupid of them to ignore a real problem...and if it were here, I'd say it makes them susceptible to a potential lawsuit.

---

Stitchboard Admin message #115
Re: Rainbow baby blanket.
August 18, 2015 at 3:38:00 AM  (in response to Aabye message #9)
 
Line,

I'm so sorry you can't go to a physical therapist.    That should actually be less expensive to go to one, not more, since physical therapy can often keep people from needing surgery!  So backwards.

Sending good thoughts that going slowly will really help and you'll be going to physical therapy in the near future. 

---